I fall.

I melt, I fall, I die.

all my life, I prayed for someone like you, and it's obvious to me now that something's gotta give. I don't know what to do, I'm lost, I'm helpless.

I cry, I sing, I die.

DOn't ask me what the hell's going on, I wont be able to answer. I'm lost, and I'm confused, and I'm helpless really. Colin's gone, I haven't talked to him in forever, and John's on the other side of the coast. Gordon? He's working. As if he'd want to talk to me anyways.

It seems we've grown apart, and I'm resenting myself for allowing that to happen. But he's a fool all his own, for even digging through my journal when he wans't feeling good, because hell. There are things I know he wouldn't like, but it's part of me, so who cares? RIght?

Wrong. Aparently he cares to much for my 'flaws' my little faults. And I just hurt, and ache, and cry all the time it seems.
John gets back this weekend. I can't wait! (really, I can't!) because we're going to a movie, and I don't know yet it it's Van Helsing at the IMAX, or Shrek 2. Mabye both I dunno...

I'm still holding his hat randsom. xD

I decided to make a list of every place I RP at xD

Bleeding Souls x 3
Licentia Consentio x 4
Smoke Rise x 3
Evolution / Magna Morilia x 2
Alaskan Wilderness Wolves
Lupi del Mare
Mikara
Rebound
The Hogwarts Legacy
Wolves of the Northern Light
Neopets x 1000+ o.O;;;

*hums* I dunno what i'm going to do with myself. I feel...well..dead. Dead and cold, and unable to be hurt anymore. But that's total bullshit, I know that.

I keep having these dreams about Colin...and about John. Not at the same time mind you, but they are two guys that have been heavily on my mind lately.

I'm worried about Colin, because I haven't heard from him in forever. And John's so far away.....And usually I'd go to them with my guy troubles, and they're not here for me. so I'm feeling kinda lost.

I think Gordon's just pushing me to end it so that he doesn't look like the bad guy...I really do. Because he KEEPS bringing the stuff up, and he won't just move past it. Wow. I'm smart...I just realized what he's doing. Hell lol xD I think I'll latch on even tighter now *smirks*

CARL!

Your Lord of the Rings Vacation by dr_fabulous
Username
Favourite colour	BlueRedGreenPurpleBlackWhiteYellowRainbow!
Lucky day	MondayTuesdayWednesdayThursdayFridaySaturdaySunday
You spend your holiday with	David Wenham
Where?	Hawaii
You spend your days	Skydiving
... and your nights	Shagging like rabbits
Created with the ORIGINAL MemeGen!

oh hell yes. YES!. xD shagging like rabbits. hmmm...Carl is David Weham from LoTR, don't ask me who he was in that movie p.q all I Know is he's total greatness in Van Helsing, and so I love him xD

*singsongs* My life sucks ass, because I know it's over, and rather than play those stupid childish games, something tells me to just get it over with. Do I want to? no. Honestly, he's my world. Really he is....I just hate the distance factor, which seems to be playing a major role in everything. *sighs* I hate this. I Hate it SO MUCH! Becuase he acts like he still cares, but then its hardly any concern for his facade with others.

I know that here, not everything is directed to him in loving, jushing adorance. Do I mind that? Not really. Becuase this is my journal, and its not anyonce's place to belittle me for the facts of my life. I'm unlocking the Birthday report, I think I've hidden it long enough. Yeah. It's...*chuckles* spicy? steamy? I lack the propper capacity of the mind to really put it into words.

I've also got my new Fursona...Aleera. From Van Helsing, because that's who I ended up as, the last Bride standing, and the redhead. xD I need my Draclua! *hiss* o.O

Hmmm just a little test

Someone told me to do the (font color=YOURNAMERHERE> thing...so I am

DistantVampire

and I took a shitload of Van Helsing quizzes (es?)

My Van Helsing Lover by DOMinated
Name
Favourite Colour
Where Will You Get it On	Dracula 's Castle
Your Date	Van Helsing
Created with the ORIGINAL MemeGen!

Which Van Helsing character will you kill? by meamori
Your name?
Your sex?
Your age?
Favorite character?
You will kill:	Wolf Man
You will kill them by:	slicing their head off
Where you kill them:	on top of a castle
Created with the ORIGINAL MemeGen!

Which Van Helsing Character Are You? by grobanite82
Name
Favorite Color
Zodiac Sign
You Are	Van Helsing
Created with the ORIGINAL MemeGen!

What Van Helsing Quote Are you? by DOMinated
Name
Favourite Day
The Quote You Are	"I'm still just a friar. I can curse all I like... dammit!"
Created with the ORIGINAL MemeGen!