J'adore il.

I love him.

completely, utterly, and without hesitation.

He came up to see me when I had such a bad week, and he suprised me with a mum that he and his mom made for me. When I actually get it, I'll take pictures of it with mine from last year....it looks wonderful!

We went and saw the corpse bride, which was good if I hadn't seen Nightmare Before Christmas, because I was looking for a sequal to it......

and yeah. he said the sweetest things today.....

and I <3 being assimilated.

Ryan.

I realized something this weekend.



Its not a matter of me needing him to manage, it's a matter of me knowing that no matter what is happening, it's better when he's around. I dont have to have him to survive. I can manage, but I know that no matter what, things could be better when he's around.

I never know what to do or say that will make things better for him, if he feels the same way about this 'survival' as I do. All I know is that when I see him, merely seeing him, I feel instantly better. I Know that things can go horribly, horribly wrong and those strong arms will always be able to wrap around me and protect me. The only time I feel complete and utter dispair is when I Know that he's upset, and I cant help it.



My world will never be completely dark, because he is my world. Until he's unhappy, Im going to be OK. Until things go wrong, I'll make it out just fine.

Without question, I will follow where lead. Without question, I would do as told. And I dont see it as subjecting myself. I dont see it as sacrifice. I see it as showing that no matter what, I'll still love him.

He'll remain my first thought in the morning, and my last thought at night.

My mother doesn't understand that when it comes to me and him, there is nothing stronger. No bonds of blood have given me the joy I have whenever I'm just near him, and nothing has made me happier in the seventeen years I've been alive. This is what I want for the rest of my life. I just want to be happy. And that means I just want him.

A single question, and the world knows exactly what I'd say.

But that's not to say we're ready for that, it's not to say Im expecting that. I just know what the outcome would be. It's assuring, to know that. If asked, I'd say yes. I dont want to rush things, but I've felt this calm serenity when it comes to loving him that I've never knwon with anyone else. I've loved twice in my life, and lost that love once. Im not afraid of the dark anymore, there is no corner of my life untouched by this love. There is no dark part of me wondering what ht'es really doing down there, if he's alone, or with someone. I dont need to be afraid, and that's what makes it so easy to picture my future, to picture a future thats 'ours'.