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I dont understand how some people can be so cruel. Im crying, not becuse I've been dragged away from home to florida, nt because right now Ryan is at my house, and Im not there to be with him, not because I have no way to get ahold of hte people I care about most. No.
m cryin because people that I care about are hurting. You know, I was too young to really love when I did. Some part of me wanted that fabled sort of 'buy me a ring it's forever' sort of love. And yeah. I wanted it. Badly. Bad enough to skip the typical context of starting a relationship, forget all of that. I loved him, he loved me, that's all we needed.
Things happened, and my father decided to ruin what made me happy....one of hte few things that made me happy. I guess it scared him off, I dont know. but suddenly, I didn't feel the love anymore. From him. And when I decdied to break up with him, I cried for days....refused to leave my room, I broke down in ways that I never wanted to admit that I did.
In my immature way, I wished on him the pain that I felt, every bit of the torture that I went through just willing myself to get up out of bed.
And now, he's hurting. And I feel guilty. I want so badly to be there for him, to help him, but I cant. And its just so painful to know that he's hurting, to know how bad he's hurting, and to feel somehow responsible for that pain.
No, I didnt make her treat him so badly, but I wished him pain. I wish there was a way to revoke it. To go back in time, to undo what I did...but there isn't.
I dont mean that I wish I took back leaving him. At that point, I couldn't have held on any longer. I was still feeling the longing to try and make it work up until I started dating ryan....but for whatever reasons, the Gods and Goddesses decided that I needed this. And now we're talking about rings and plans, and moving in together once I get out of my first year....things taht I know aren't wrong, things that I know arent my childish desires. I know I love him. I know he loves me.
ANd I only hope that Gordon, that you still know I love you. Its a different love, but I still love you. I hope that you can find some comfort in that, and know that if you ever need me, Im here. And I hope you feel like you can talk to me.....
Heavy heart, but with much love.
-Katy. or, Sonia.
[I have, tenatively, decided that once my name is changed it will be Katy Sonia (Thompson) does Katy Sonia sound too awkward? I am also considering Kathleen Sonia as an alternative]
m cryin because people that I care about are hurting. You know, I was too young to really love when I did. Some part of me wanted that fabled sort of 'buy me a ring it's forever' sort of love. And yeah. I wanted it. Badly. Bad enough to skip the typical context of starting a relationship, forget all of that. I loved him, he loved me, that's all we needed.
Things happened, and my father decided to ruin what made me happy....one of hte few things that made me happy. I guess it scared him off, I dont know. but suddenly, I didn't feel the love anymore. From him. And when I decdied to break up with him, I cried for days....refused to leave my room, I broke down in ways that I never wanted to admit that I did.
In my immature way, I wished on him the pain that I felt, every bit of the torture that I went through just willing myself to get up out of bed.
And now, he's hurting. And I feel guilty. I want so badly to be there for him, to help him, but I cant. And its just so painful to know that he's hurting, to know how bad he's hurting, and to feel somehow responsible for that pain.
No, I didnt make her treat him so badly, but I wished him pain. I wish there was a way to revoke it. To go back in time, to undo what I did...but there isn't.
I dont mean that I wish I took back leaving him. At that point, I couldn't have held on any longer. I was still feeling the longing to try and make it work up until I started dating ryan....but for whatever reasons, the Gods and Goddesses decided that I needed this. And now we're talking about rings and plans, and moving in together once I get out of my first year....things taht I know aren't wrong, things that I know arent my childish desires. I know I love him. I know he loves me.
ANd I only hope that Gordon, that you still know I love you. Its a different love, but I still love you. I hope that you can find some comfort in that, and know that if you ever need me, Im here. And I hope you feel like you can talk to me.....
Heavy heart, but with much love.
-Katy. or, Sonia.
[I have, tenatively, decided that once my name is changed it will be Katy Sonia (Thompson) does Katy Sonia sound too awkward? I am also considering Kathleen Sonia as an alternative]