oi.

I find it impossible to stay happy.

tomorrow, I need to do a bunch of cleaning and get ready for my parents to get here.

today ryan went home for his birthday...its on Sunday, and I dont even know how much time I'll get to spend with him that day. Makes me kinda sad..

tonight, he sent me a message that said loves you more than life itself...to which I replied '*melts every time you say something sweet like that* this is why girls cant propose-ring or no ring, after saying something as sweet as that I definately would.' his response was: 'I would too if I had a ring for you!' me: 'lol, rings never matter-all I need is you.'

I really wish he was here. I really wish he'd actually propose. I can never see him doing it though....he just doesnt strike me as the type to actually do it. And I dont think I ever will either....as much as I love him, as much as know right now that I want to marry him and be with him for the rest of my life, I just cant actually propse to him. I asked him out, thats how we got together....I dont think I can propose.

*sighs* I dot need a ring. I dont really want one either...I can seriously only wear one ring at a time...both hands. Not like, one ring on each hand, no, I can only wear one ring at all.

I want this ring if I got my -one- ring. That's for my wedding...I really dont -want- an engagement ring, if he decided to get me one I wont turn it away, but I'd hate not wearing it, ya know?

*sighs* he stopped sending me stuff...I hope I didnt upset him or anything. sometimes I just get so afraid of losing him....and usually its over absolutely nothing at all.