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thanks mom.
Jan. 11th, 2007 05:57 pmso.
my mother had me when she was 23. Until I was five, we lived with my grandparents and my uncle in my grandparents giant awesome house. she got married when I was six. i have never been able to get her to tell me who my father is. ever. it changed from 'well, he doesnt matter, he didnt want a baby..' to 'he found out you were going to be a girl and he didnt want a daughter.' to 'i was raped' there are very limited moments in my life when i actual remember things PERFECTLY. when i was ten, i took a blunt hit to my head strong enough to knock out my tooth and basically i lost most of my memories before then. I Knew who I was I knew who my family was and all details were fine, but memories before that point are hazy at best.
but those three times, i remember perfectly. the first one, i was seven, and still stayed with my grandparents frequently. the second, I was about 12 and we were moving to another house. the last one, i was about fifteen and we were moving from the apartment to our current house.
today, in walmart she said something about my stepfather being my 'daddy' and 'loving me most'
which i said, 'no, not really.' to, because I've never and will never call him Daddy, and he loves his own damn kid most. which is fine. he's not my favorite person in the world anyways, so I dont really care much.
my mother flipped out on me, proceeded to storm about down a few isles until she blurted out 'you know, i wish i had a daughter who was more grateful rather than one who tells me I'm a horrible person and puts me down for not knowing who your father is' which is TOTAL BULLSHIT. I have never, ever put her down for not telling me who my father is. It pisses me off more than ANYTHING in the world that she wont tell me, but I wont cut her for it. She's my mother, she didnt have to have me, in fact a lot of the family wanted her to 'get the problem fixed' and she chose not to.
but good gods. that hurt. that hurt like a bitch. I told her I had never said anything like that, to which she told me to shut the fuck up and I just walked away.
I feel like shit now and I've been crying and fucking bloody hell. thank you mother.
my mother had me when she was 23. Until I was five, we lived with my grandparents and my uncle in my grandparents giant awesome house. she got married when I was six. i have never been able to get her to tell me who my father is. ever. it changed from 'well, he doesnt matter, he didnt want a baby..' to 'he found out you were going to be a girl and he didnt want a daughter.' to 'i was raped' there are very limited moments in my life when i actual remember things PERFECTLY. when i was ten, i took a blunt hit to my head strong enough to knock out my tooth and basically i lost most of my memories before then. I Knew who I was I knew who my family was and all details were fine, but memories before that point are hazy at best.
but those three times, i remember perfectly. the first one, i was seven, and still stayed with my grandparents frequently. the second, I was about 12 and we were moving to another house. the last one, i was about fifteen and we were moving from the apartment to our current house.
today, in walmart she said something about my stepfather being my 'daddy' and 'loving me most'
which i said, 'no, not really.' to, because I've never and will never call him Daddy, and he loves his own damn kid most. which is fine. he's not my favorite person in the world anyways, so I dont really care much.
my mother flipped out on me, proceeded to storm about down a few isles until she blurted out 'you know, i wish i had a daughter who was more grateful rather than one who tells me I'm a horrible person and puts me down for not knowing who your father is' which is TOTAL BULLSHIT. I have never, ever put her down for not telling me who my father is. It pisses me off more than ANYTHING in the world that she wont tell me, but I wont cut her for it. She's my mother, she didnt have to have me, in fact a lot of the family wanted her to 'get the problem fixed' and she chose not to.
but good gods. that hurt. that hurt like a bitch. I told her I had never said anything like that, to which she told me to shut the fuck up and I just walked away.
I feel like shit now and I've been crying and fucking bloody hell. thank you mother.