School.

So...I need to pay off the 600$ that I owe Brookhaven so I can enroll in some courses again.

Last time I went to school was before Johnny passed away and it's been a couple years....so I know I'll be on suspension / probation / whatever the hell this school calls it. But I'll make it work.

I'm only interested in online classes because I do not want to take a damn bit of time out of my life to have to be in that institution more than I have to be. I hate Brookhaven, I truly, utterly loathe it with everything in me.

It probably wouldn't be so bad now, since most of the folks that I know stuck around this dump have kids and thus no time for school, but it was high school grade 13 for me. I had the same classes as all the kids I had class with in highschool and I just am not interested.

I'll be pursuing a degree in Psychology, like I wanted, and if I can pull it off, a dual major in Criminology.

But I've got to get my foot back in the door first.

So, well then.

I just want someone to be all cuddly with.

I very, very rarely hear from Ryan anymore and it's disappointing but it doesn't hurt. It doesn't hurt one bit.

And I hate that.

I expect it to hurt a lot more than it does, I expect to cry and scream and rant and rave - the love of my life! lost!

Somehow though, I'm just watching it slip away like petals falling on the water and slipping further and further away. They're beyond my grasp now, they're beautiful, but I can't take them back, I can't catch them.

They were not crushed, these petals. They fell like rain, slipped right down from my fingers and I could not stop them - I did not really want to. I could have died them, saved them, preserved them, but such a thing doesn't deserve to be dried and put aside. It should live and flourish, or else it cannot be called real.

Well, our fake little flower, I will let you go.

But I want to plant the seeds again, I feel that in these six years I have 'grown' and 'aged' far beyond a simple 21. I want to be planning my marriage and wedding the way that the rest of my friends are, and I want that partner and that helper and friend.

I HAVE DIED A MILLION TRILLION TIMES OVER I JUST GOD

FIRST I GIVE YOU GODMODE SALENE.

http://i45.tinypic.com/fa62hz.jpg

IT IS MY CURRENT BACKGROUND FOR MY COMPUTER.

AND NOW I GIVE YOU GODMODE ZILENE

http://i50.tinypic.com/6pagi0.jpg

IT WILL BE MY BACKGROUND FOR MY BEAST, SHIT.

OKAY, I"M GOING TO CONTINUE TO BE DEAD KAY.