![[personal profile]](https://www.dreamwidth.org/img/silk/identity/user.png){kind=small}
Every once in awhile I think about the future and the specific things that I want out of it. I wonder if there is a place for my roleplaying, as much as I ponder about any other hobby - my obsessive reading, my occasional tinkering with artistic abilities I like to pretend I Have, and roleplaying. Creative writing.
And then I get these little barbs from people a good number of years younger than me and I realize...I hate the childish behavior of a good 85% of the people. It's cool to talk shit about one another, snicker and poke fun at someone when their back is turned, but heaven forbid you tell someone you have an issue with them and try and work it out! That's too scary! And yes, it's the interwebz, and I know I've been around enough that I should have a tougher skin than what I do...but I have grown a great deal with Salene, and I think she's a character that has quickly become very important to me. I knew it from the start that she was something different, and I'm glad that she has enough fire in her to not suck up to everyone and doesn't always play nice. She's brutally honest though. She won't play pretend and kiss up to anyone. She will openly look down on someone regardless of rank.
People can't handle that. People have to talk shit about her, or act like it's my thoughts and my desires and forget that there is this magical property that separates me from my characters.
Salene is such a spitfire. She's hard to handle. But she isn't me. I'm soft spoken, usually a mild mannered, very hard to anger sort of girl. I'm a realist, I am a problem solver, and I plan everything out to a ridiculous degree. I'm never brash and usually I am too scared to act on my impulses.
Rhyme is very good at swallowing her emotions. This also makes her seem distant and aloof. She is extremely logical and if she knew a thing of religion she'd be Atheist fo'sho. I am too emotional, I invest myself 100% in everything I do no matter what my involvement is...and I have problems detaching myself.
Juliet is awkward, socially inept, and terrified of the world around her. She's super naive. Nothing scares me anymore. Given the amount that I've lived through of horrific events....I've faced the worst. I've had to. There are no more lows for me to go to emotionally and so I just can't waste my time being scared.
Song is my mothery sweetheart. She'd take anyone in no matter what was going on, no matter what the circumstances were. I can't trust anyone. I have everyone at some length away because if they knew who I was at the core, they would be able to hurt me somehow with it.
My characters all have bits and pieces of the things I'd like to be more like. It's easy for me to use them and pretend for awhile that I know what it's like to have an impulsive life changing relationship. I pretend for a bit that it's possible to forget and forgive the family that have hurt you and fix bonds that are broken. I like to pretend that you don't always break down when someone you love leaves you. I like to think that even a random stranger can turn into your best friend because it's nice and fluffy.
It still hurts every time I see someone talk some shit about them / me, as if they aren't something that comes from the very heart of who I am. I know it won't stop just because I say (for the bajillionth time) that IC =/= OOC it really doesn't matter. It's still too much fun to make a jab at people that you think won't find out...or even more, say something to a person that you know will tell and blab to another because you want that rush of the interwebz fight.
Eventually I'll be ready to let go and move on to more...private writing. It'll be boring as hell, but at least then I won't have to convince anyone that my actual self does not equate to the fictional wolves that I play on the internet.
And then I get these little barbs from people a good number of years younger than me and I realize...I hate the childish behavior of a good 85% of the people. It's cool to talk shit about one another, snicker and poke fun at someone when their back is turned, but heaven forbid you tell someone you have an issue with them and try and work it out! That's too scary! And yes, it's the interwebz, and I know I've been around enough that I should have a tougher skin than what I do...but I have grown a great deal with Salene, and I think she's a character that has quickly become very important to me. I knew it from the start that she was something different, and I'm glad that she has enough fire in her to not suck up to everyone and doesn't always play nice. She's brutally honest though. She won't play pretend and kiss up to anyone. She will openly look down on someone regardless of rank.
People can't handle that. People have to talk shit about her, or act like it's my thoughts and my desires and forget that there is this magical property that separates me from my characters.
Salene is such a spitfire. She's hard to handle. But she isn't me. I'm soft spoken, usually a mild mannered, very hard to anger sort of girl. I'm a realist, I am a problem solver, and I plan everything out to a ridiculous degree. I'm never brash and usually I am too scared to act on my impulses.
Rhyme is very good at swallowing her emotions. This also makes her seem distant and aloof. She is extremely logical and if she knew a thing of religion she'd be Atheist fo'sho. I am too emotional, I invest myself 100% in everything I do no matter what my involvement is...and I have problems detaching myself.
Juliet is awkward, socially inept, and terrified of the world around her. She's super naive. Nothing scares me anymore. Given the amount that I've lived through of horrific events....I've faced the worst. I've had to. There are no more lows for me to go to emotionally and so I just can't waste my time being scared.
Song is my mothery sweetheart. She'd take anyone in no matter what was going on, no matter what the circumstances were. I can't trust anyone. I have everyone at some length away because if they knew who I was at the core, they would be able to hurt me somehow with it.
My characters all have bits and pieces of the things I'd like to be more like. It's easy for me to use them and pretend for awhile that I know what it's like to have an impulsive life changing relationship. I pretend for a bit that it's possible to forget and forgive the family that have hurt you and fix bonds that are broken. I like to pretend that you don't always break down when someone you love leaves you. I like to think that even a random stranger can turn into your best friend because it's nice and fluffy.
It still hurts every time I see someone talk some shit about them / me, as if they aren't something that comes from the very heart of who I am. I know it won't stop just because I say (for the bajillionth time) that IC =/= OOC it really doesn't matter. It's still too much fun to make a jab at people that you think won't find out...or even more, say something to a person that you know will tell and blab to another because you want that rush of the interwebz fight.
Eventually I'll be ready to let go and move on to more...private writing. It'll be boring as hell, but at least then I won't have to convince anyone that my actual self does not equate to the fictional wolves that I play on the internet.