(no subject)

Baby if I ever get the chance to be with you again I would sacrifice,
cause the feeling that I feel within, no other man would ever make me feel so right.
It's nice to smile when I get your phone call in mind, but I'd rather have you here
with me right next to me, I miss the way you hold me tight.

I'll tell you what I feel from the moment that I meet you it was so damn real,
my heart seems to skip another beat every time we speak, can't believe I feel so weak.

blah. so yeah. I haven't eaten in 24 hours. and now I'm hungry, but I'm scared if I eat, I'll puke. I hate throwing up.

*sighs*

You walk into this place.
The light shines on you're face, and I wish you were mine.
There used to be a time....
You aim a smile at me.
I can't even speak.
I'm too scared to try, just a waste of time.

I feel like reliving the past four months. I've never been this happy...and now, I'm so scared. But maybe this is a chance to work on it, I actually think that's what this is...which gives me hope, a tad of optimism. This is how I've grown, how I've become a better person..I'm nt so depressed. i'm something a bit better than that, at least I like to think so...

so yeah. I want to work on it. not just act like a little kid and go cry...which I've sort of done on here, up until the point where I realized 'hey, there is room for improvement!' and yeah. heh. I feel somewhat better now.




so didn't finish it. I'm at home sick.



I look, and feel, like death reheated. I came home yesterday, went to bed and woke up around 10. I told Ryan I wasn't going to be there prolly, and and watched tv till like 12. and then I crashed again. I haven't had anything to eat, and nothing looks even remotely good to me. I feel like hell!

what does it mean to be a 'boring couple'? I'm scared out of my fucking mind now, which only adds to me feeling like hell...*sighs again* this is my cycle, the world is great and awesome, and then it comes crashing down on me in one swift move. god thinks its funny to come and pull the rug out from under me.

well, I'm not laughing.

mother asked me last night if everything was OK with my and Ryan. And I told her yes. then she gave me some pills to take, and she didn't watch me take them (normally I'd just toss them out, but I actually took them) and she didn't believe me when I said I'd take them. I promised on Couper and Ryan's lives that I'd taken them, and when I said Ryan, she said ti didn't matter, because we'd be breaking up soon anyways. thanks for the fucking optimisim mom.

I love him. And that's why I'm dying now. I just feel so broken and shattered and we're not even broken up! Just the thought kills me, and now I'm just...so worried. So scared. My own mother wont even keep up some sort of pretense with me, and now everyone I know seems to be against me being happy.

someone call me. I need a hug. but I wont let anyone get close enough, or else they might catch the death too.