.........x.x

ARGH.

I was really excited about tomorrow....

but now this weekend's gonna suck.

I want to be gone the whole time. out to curfew every night, not there more than 6, 8 hours a day when I'm asleep.

my mother really, really pissed me off today.

first, she suggests I go somewhere this weekend. And then says 'For all I care, you can stay with Ryan at his house the whole time' which is a GREAT idea to me, and so I tell him that. Full intentions of taking her advice...stuff.

and then she tells me she'd rather I go to Jen's house. Jen's going camping. Woods + Katy= disaster. I hate camping. I dont want to be a bitch and push myself on Jen anyways, what kind of a tacky, horrid person invites themselves on a camping trip!?! (or to anything else for that matter) and she told me since I wouldn't call jen, I cant go to Ryan's house.

so I'm kinda sulky, really pissed, I mean, this whole week I've been stoked about staying at his place, and then she has to CRUSH me.and then she asks why it matters so much to me, and tries to pull some 'so you wont call jennifer and you're basically telling me 'fuck you mom, I dont care about you' all because I think it's horrible to call someone the day before they're going on a trip with other people and invite yourself on said trip.

well, fuck you mom, I'm not going to tarnish my own self because you want a chance to fuck my stepfather. you do it anyways, and I hear it every damn time, I cant drown out the fucking sounds, so why should you care this time? what makes it any different?

I told her I needed to be alone. I was ready to kill. when I get really mad, I cry. And she asked me why I looked like I was going to cry, I mean, she had the audacity to ask that damn question. and then she wouldn't let me just go to my room. for an hour, a fucking HOUR, i had to sit there and explain myself over, and over, and over again regarding me not wanting to call jen, and why I would much rather just stay at ryans like I had kinda already planned.

So finally at about 7, the phone rings and its some lady that's dropping off her two year old for me to watch during the day. THE FUCK?!?! I dont want to watch kids, I hate the one I have to deal with now. I CANT STAND THAT KID. God, life just keeps getting better and better.

we got home at about 5, and mother bitched about that too. 'wow, you're home early. You guys get in a fight or something?' and then she asked if something happened at the party that had made me so upset. well hell, nothing happened there besides I actually enjoyed myself for awhile just hanging out with some friends. Heaven forbid I enjoy my life....

So during the course of this hour, she eventually comes down to me getting to be out until 12 all weekend, and me not having to go to church on sunday. well, she expects that to make everything so much better.

yeah, it's awesome I dont have to be with you guys, but that's not going to brush everything else over...

so the phone rang again, I took the chance to grab my phone and run upstairs.

I've been asleep since 7:30.