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inadequate
Jul. 30th, 2005 02:25 amSometimes I just feel inadequate.
Tonight was just one of those times. *sighs*
I know he doesn't mean to do it, because he never says anything cruel and actually means it. But ya know, when he asks for sex, I say I have no energy at all (after watching this kid, I dont feel like it at all) and then he says I dont need any since he does all the work anyways...
and then he repeated himself, furthering the point he's joking. (he has the tendancy to repeat himself when he's joking....like, the exact same sentance, with more emphasise on certain words) But still. Hell, I'm very scared about just not being good enough for people. Yeah, I've lost some weight, but not enough..I'm still not happy with how I look, but I'm getting there. It's just taking too long.
And I dont...perform well enough for my taste. Yeah, teens shouldn't see pornos. Why? It gives the thought that sex is something that comes naturally and is magnificient. which is BULLSHIT. After watching said p0rn, one would think I'd know what to do....it's one thing to watch a girl on a screen take sone huge monster dick and just ride it, but it's a totally different thing to do it. hell, it doesn't feel wonderful all the time. And honestly, sex itself feels great, but not as good as they make it sound.
porn makes things overrated when it comes to sex, and yeah. It just makes people feel very bad. Well, it makes me feel bad. Not normally though. When coupled with my boyfriend suggesting he does all the work, I feel like crap.
So yeah. he knows I'm upset, he said that I seemed really upset when he came by later to pick up the PS2. But yeah, I brushed it off, said it was sleep related. I hate lying to him. I feel like such a bitch when I do it too...especially when he was so concerned for me, and worried about me and sleeping.
I dont deserve him....but I dont know how exactly to put it into words that Im really sensative about stuff like that. I just..argh. I dont know! *whimpers*
I think this may also be an onset of PMS. Which I -cant- have while my parents are gone.
Tonight was just one of those times. *sighs*
I know he doesn't mean to do it, because he never says anything cruel and actually means it. But ya know, when he asks for sex, I say I have no energy at all (after watching this kid, I dont feel like it at all) and then he says I dont need any since he does all the work anyways...
and then he repeated himself, furthering the point he's joking. (he has the tendancy to repeat himself when he's joking....like, the exact same sentance, with more emphasise on certain words) But still. Hell, I'm very scared about just not being good enough for people. Yeah, I've lost some weight, but not enough..I'm still not happy with how I look, but I'm getting there. It's just taking too long.
And I dont...perform well enough for my taste. Yeah, teens shouldn't see pornos. Why? It gives the thought that sex is something that comes naturally and is magnificient. which is BULLSHIT. After watching said p0rn, one would think I'd know what to do....it's one thing to watch a girl on a screen take sone huge monster dick and just ride it, but it's a totally different thing to do it. hell, it doesn't feel wonderful all the time. And honestly, sex itself feels great, but not as good as they make it sound.
porn makes things overrated when it comes to sex, and yeah. It just makes people feel very bad. Well, it makes me feel bad. Not normally though. When coupled with my boyfriend suggesting he does all the work, I feel like crap.
So yeah. he knows I'm upset, he said that I seemed really upset when he came by later to pick up the PS2. But yeah, I brushed it off, said it was sleep related. I hate lying to him. I feel like such a bitch when I do it too...especially when he was so concerned for me, and worried about me and sleeping.
I dont deserve him....but I dont know how exactly to put it into words that Im really sensative about stuff like that. I just..argh. I dont know! *whimpers*
I think this may also be an onset of PMS. Which I -cant- have while my parents are gone.
