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post-seperation.
Aug. 18th, 2005 08:56 pmSo today wasn't as bad as I thought.
I nodded off a few times in the car on the way to San Marcos, but Ryan didn't want to wake me up apparently, so he just let me sleep. I wish he hadn't...but whatever.
when we got there, we got him registered, carted his stuff upstairs, and then went to eat. It seemed like the moments just dragged on......and his mom kept looking for stuff for us to do, ways that we wouldn't have to say goodbye. We bought his books, took them to his room, and then it seemed like there was no way to get around it. It was time.
I kept myself in check as much as I could...and when I felt that I couldn't hold in the tears any longer, I slipped into the bathroom and composed myself. During this time, his parents were saying goodbye, and when I came out, his mom was dabbing her eyes and sniffling. They walked out to head towards the elevator, and I started to follow them, but he pulled me back.
I just couldn't help it. I was crying, but not very hard, I make really odd noises when I cry, and I didn't want him to hear them. Or his parents. So He just held onto me, and I didn't want to let go...but I had to. I Knew I had to.
In the elevator down, he stole my phone.
He walked us to the car, and he gave out more hugs and stuff. He was playing with my pockets, like putting the phone in and then taking back again. I Just....I was so glad he was making me laugh, because all I wanted to do was sob.
When his parents got in the car, he pulled me back again for one last hug. His eyes looked red too...he whispered in my ear that there was something in my pocket, and he put my phone back at last. I wrote him a long letter and stuck it in Tiger, who is the white tiger I Made for him, like he made me panda. I told him that there was something in her for him, and he just smiled and kissed my forehead. I told him to be good, and to behave, and then I got in the car.
After we got out of the parking garage, I reached into my pocket, and he had put his class ring in it. I started crying again, but I just kept trying to hold it in. He sent me a text message asking if I Liked it, and then he said 'Its something special to me and I wanted you to hold on to it.'
I haven't had that full out big cry, but, well, I've had a lot of little ones. Eventually I Know I'll just lose it, and then hopefully this sadness will be out of my system.
I've got his ring around my neck, and as far as I'm concerned, it's now surgically attached.
Je suis dans l'amour avec Ryan! Et il est dans l'amour avec moi!
I nodded off a few times in the car on the way to San Marcos, but Ryan didn't want to wake me up apparently, so he just let me sleep. I wish he hadn't...but whatever.
when we got there, we got him registered, carted his stuff upstairs, and then went to eat. It seemed like the moments just dragged on......and his mom kept looking for stuff for us to do, ways that we wouldn't have to say goodbye. We bought his books, took them to his room, and then it seemed like there was no way to get around it. It was time.
I kept myself in check as much as I could...and when I felt that I couldn't hold in the tears any longer, I slipped into the bathroom and composed myself. During this time, his parents were saying goodbye, and when I came out, his mom was dabbing her eyes and sniffling. They walked out to head towards the elevator, and I started to follow them, but he pulled me back.
I just couldn't help it. I was crying, but not very hard, I make really odd noises when I cry, and I didn't want him to hear them. Or his parents. So He just held onto me, and I didn't want to let go...but I had to. I Knew I had to.
In the elevator down, he stole my phone.
He walked us to the car, and he gave out more hugs and stuff. He was playing with my pockets, like putting the phone in and then taking back again. I Just....I was so glad he was making me laugh, because all I wanted to do was sob.
When his parents got in the car, he pulled me back again for one last hug. His eyes looked red too...he whispered in my ear that there was something in my pocket, and he put my phone back at last. I wrote him a long letter and stuck it in Tiger, who is the white tiger I Made for him, like he made me panda. I told him that there was something in her for him, and he just smiled and kissed my forehead. I told him to be good, and to behave, and then I got in the car.
After we got out of the parking garage, I reached into my pocket, and he had put his class ring in it. I started crying again, but I just kept trying to hold it in. He sent me a text message asking if I Liked it, and then he said 'Its something special to me and I wanted you to hold on to it.'
I haven't had that full out big cry, but, well, I've had a lot of little ones. Eventually I Know I'll just lose it, and then hopefully this sadness will be out of my system.
I've got his ring around my neck, and as far as I'm concerned, it's now surgically attached.
Je suis dans l'amour avec Ryan! Et il est dans l'amour avec moi!