![[personal profile]](https://www.dreamwidth.org/img/silk/identity/user.png){kind=small}
Peace, blessed peace.
Oct. 3rd, 2006 12:46 pmSo people have IMed me and talked about why I left. Some asked if I'd come back....I gave the, I dont know, probably not thing.
At this moment in time, I dont think I'll return for awhile. If I do come back, it will be with Kim's blessing, hopefully with Ulysses.
I dont care about being on Staff, I dont care about the whole rankings thing...the thing about where Im at now, is neither of those are the focus...amd I have more inspiration and drive to just play than I have in a long, long time.
I think a big problem that I led to me leaving is the fact that after so long, there was nothing else to do. Fatin went as far as she could, and I just wasnt enjoying her at all really....people backed out on plots, dropped characters tied to her, and for the person she was (generally happy, tends to look on the bright side and is helpful and motherly) her personality just couldnt have handled it. To play her depressed was so far from what I wanted her to be (in all actuality, a mirror to who I want to be) that it made her impossible to play realistically.
Crypt, was by far, my favorite of the three. She was a challenge to really gear into at first, because she came from a crazy lifestyle and was in her own right, unstable. Then I reread The Witching Hour and Lasher and Taltos by Anne Rice, and I decided she needed to be haunted. Hell, a little more drama in her life wouldn't hurt, right? She started to move up in ranks, got boring, and then BAM. Mel reads my mind and brings in horses. And life is great for Crypt because she happens to love the horses dearly.
Ulysses came in as an alternative to my character by the same name on Myth. I dearly loved him, and needed to play him somewhere, but Myth reopened and Ulysses became a two rpg character....which isnt too easy to keep up. Activity on one leads to nothing on the other, since its kinda hard to keep i ncharacter with two seperate lives and all that junk. But then Kim and I plotted out a gushy cute lovestory, and it became more fun. He, as a Sub, had more room to grow and change- its a lot easier to have a pack understand a personality and let it grow than to watch a Beta shift completely in how they are.
Really, I just felt I was at the end of my rope in some cases, mainly Fatin's at Souls. Out of all 6 children: Chael, Thanos, Ophelia, Satin, Valerik, and Endymion, I watched them dwindle down to only Satin and Endymion. Life SUCKS if you lose all your kids. Unless you're the bitch Andrea Yates. Insane or not, she should die. Out of Fatin's mates : Sober, Shaeniire, and Salvaged....they all left/ died out or whatever. To lose love so many times....jesus, that sucks just as bad as losing your kids.
I feel the most guilty about Fatin, obviously. But she was the one who really was going regardless of if I stayed or not. And I would, at some point, like to return....it may be moths, or a year from now, but I do consider Souls to be one of my biggest accomplishments- I was proud of what I did there and how I played. I kept Fatin for all three years I was there, I only had a few characters that I really couldnt get into- Chaska for plot reasons, and Gypsy because I dont like whore characters lol. Lisichka drifted off for Love, Mercido died from cancer, and that's pretty much it.
If I do return, I will not seek out any type of special favors. I will be a normal member, minus staff, minus any leadership stuff. I will work and if it happens again it happens again.
So please, dont get the impression that I hate Bleeding Souls. It was my baby, the same as the rest of the staff's for the duration of time I was there. I love it. I dearly love it. I will not stop caring about it, and even though it is not 'my problem' anymore, I am still concerned with its well being.
At this moment in time, I dont think I'll return for awhile. If I do come back, it will be with Kim's blessing, hopefully with Ulysses.
I dont care about being on Staff, I dont care about the whole rankings thing...the thing about where Im at now, is neither of those are the focus...amd I have more inspiration and drive to just play than I have in a long, long time.
I think a big problem that I led to me leaving is the fact that after so long, there was nothing else to do. Fatin went as far as she could, and I just wasnt enjoying her at all really....people backed out on plots, dropped characters tied to her, and for the person she was (generally happy, tends to look on the bright side and is helpful and motherly) her personality just couldnt have handled it. To play her depressed was so far from what I wanted her to be (in all actuality, a mirror to who I want to be) that it made her impossible to play realistically.
Crypt, was by far, my favorite of the three. She was a challenge to really gear into at first, because she came from a crazy lifestyle and was in her own right, unstable. Then I reread The Witching Hour and Lasher and Taltos by Anne Rice, and I decided she needed to be haunted. Hell, a little more drama in her life wouldn't hurt, right? She started to move up in ranks, got boring, and then BAM. Mel reads my mind and brings in horses. And life is great for Crypt because she happens to love the horses dearly.
Ulysses came in as an alternative to my character by the same name on Myth. I dearly loved him, and needed to play him somewhere, but Myth reopened and Ulysses became a two rpg character....which isnt too easy to keep up. Activity on one leads to nothing on the other, since its kinda hard to keep i ncharacter with two seperate lives and all that junk. But then Kim and I plotted out a gushy cute lovestory, and it became more fun. He, as a Sub, had more room to grow and change- its a lot easier to have a pack understand a personality and let it grow than to watch a Beta shift completely in how they are.
Really, I just felt I was at the end of my rope in some cases, mainly Fatin's at Souls. Out of all 6 children: Chael, Thanos, Ophelia, Satin, Valerik, and Endymion, I watched them dwindle down to only Satin and Endymion. Life SUCKS if you lose all your kids. Unless you're the bitch Andrea Yates. Insane or not, she should die. Out of Fatin's mates : Sober, Shaeniire, and Salvaged....they all left/ died out or whatever. To lose love so many times....jesus, that sucks just as bad as losing your kids.
I feel the most guilty about Fatin, obviously. But she was the one who really was going regardless of if I stayed or not. And I would, at some point, like to return....it may be moths, or a year from now, but I do consider Souls to be one of my biggest accomplishments- I was proud of what I did there and how I played. I kept Fatin for all three years I was there, I only had a few characters that I really couldnt get into- Chaska for plot reasons, and Gypsy because I dont like whore characters lol. Lisichka drifted off for Love, Mercido died from cancer, and that's pretty much it.
If I do return, I will not seek out any type of special favors. I will be a normal member, minus staff, minus any leadership stuff. I will work and if it happens again it happens again.
So please, dont get the impression that I hate Bleeding Souls. It was my baby, the same as the rest of the staff's for the duration of time I was there. I love it. I dearly love it. I will not stop caring about it, and even though it is not 'my problem' anymore, I am still concerned with its well being.