hah.

oh wow.

souls....I left you.

You were my lover and my friend for three years, and I left you.

I feel this swift sense of relief and just ease...but Im guilty, oh yes. I left friends and people I generally cared about....but its worth it, somehow, for this rush and this freedom.

Who am I kidding? Fatin was let down countless times by people who said they'd plot, and dropped the ball big time. I feel like crap, especially, for letting down Thorn and Kim. Loosing a mother and a daughter sucks big time ICly, and I really, really left Kim hanging as far as it goes with the pack.

Im surpisingly hopeful though. This little 'revolution' as I've heard it called made me realize that some people in the community really do care about me, and others jutst want me to stay for whatever reason o.o;

Shannon, thanks for not hating me after last night
Kim, thank you so much for everything you've done for me and for not hating me!

The more this progresses...

This mess is making me sick.

I am completely happy with my decision, apart from me letting some of my friends down.

Overall, my leaving wont make a difference. I wasnt that active, I wasnt any type of amazing Mod who would do a bunch of stuff and be uber awesome, I wasnt a SA member who took the time to care for the forum.

I am SICK to my stomach because I have seen people who left saying that Bleeding Souls wasn't worth it.....as soon as we left, and there were minus 2 SA and 2 mods, ZOMG.

'I'll help!' 'oh, me too! I'll come back and do ANYTHING you need!

maybe Im totally seeing that in the wrong light. Maybe it is a noble little attempt. but people running back as soon as it looks like someone might get power....oh, people. You make me sick. Really.

The fact that people say they're never coming back and that they dont care what happens anymore, but they come running back as soon as they can...the fact that a LOT of them are old staff themselves, they know how hard it is, they know that it isnt just fun and games. BUt they might get power again, so here I go!

haha, were I put Fatin and Crypt I dont have power. dont give a fuck either. I wasted too much time online and now there isnt any pressure, it's easy going and its just so fucking WONDERFUL.

Koof, Mel, I love you guys. Seriously.

And while it seems like Im a horrible person for typing this, it is my journal, and I have found that it helps me to get this out before I explode. If it makes any of you change your opinions on me, well, that's not my fault. Im saying what I think, and I guess that's just how I'll have to be. *shrugs*

It doesnt bother me anymore....and damn, I do feel good. There was no regret when I woke up today, not like I thought I would.