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Blah. My life....just never changes.
Jun. 25th, 2010 12:05 amSo I get yelled at by my parents on a near daily basis for not cleaning the house.
Yes, I might not work the 8 hours a day that they put it, no I am not going to school right now, but dammit to hell that does not give ANYONE the right to belittle me for not cleaning their house. It's rude. I spend the majority of my time in my room hiding from everyone because I hate being here. I hate being here. I hate my life when I am here. In 2008 I moved out, it was the best move I could have made for myself and I wish so reverently that I was in a position where I could move out again. If I didn't have Couper and Hazel, I'd be driving to the East Coast and someone with a kind and benevolent heart would take me in. (Right???)
I am just so tired of being miserable because someone else makes me that way. My mom wanted to blame me for being tired all the time and say it's because I stay up too late...but it doesn't matter if I lay down or not, I don't sleep that much. 7 hours is what I average, which is great for me, and if I make myself exhausted enough that I can stop thinking and sleep by killing pixels in WoW or writing up a post for a wolf on WWS...well, there you go. It's what I'm going to do. She forgets that I've been clinically depressed for well on three years now and no combination of drugs, activity, or lifestyle changes has affected that. I refuse to take drugs daily just to sleep, so yes I'll stay up until 2 in the morning so I actually want to sleep.
She yells because I should spend that time that I'm up cleaning the house (so keep them awake by cleaning and vacuuming and doing the laundry and all this shit) or that I should get up early to take care of the house. I told her I had no interest in being anyone's slave or maid, and I just don't. Yeah, my parents do a great deal, but it doesn't make it okay for them to belittle me and try and guilt me into cleaning up after them. The messes I make I clean up, I do my own laundry, wash my own dishes...I don't spend time making the messes they do, so why should I clean up after them?
I wish I could leave. If not for the kids, I would. My cars big enough to take the things I need and fuck it to the rest.
Yes, I might not work the 8 hours a day that they put it, no I am not going to school right now, but dammit to hell that does not give ANYONE the right to belittle me for not cleaning their house. It's rude. I spend the majority of my time in my room hiding from everyone because I hate being here. I hate being here. I hate my life when I am here. In 2008 I moved out, it was the best move I could have made for myself and I wish so reverently that I was in a position where I could move out again. If I didn't have Couper and Hazel, I'd be driving to the East Coast and someone with a kind and benevolent heart would take me in. (Right???)
I am just so tired of being miserable because someone else makes me that way. My mom wanted to blame me for being tired all the time and say it's because I stay up too late...but it doesn't matter if I lay down or not, I don't sleep that much. 7 hours is what I average, which is great for me, and if I make myself exhausted enough that I can stop thinking and sleep by killing pixels in WoW or writing up a post for a wolf on WWS...well, there you go. It's what I'm going to do. She forgets that I've been clinically depressed for well on three years now and no combination of drugs, activity, or lifestyle changes has affected that. I refuse to take drugs daily just to sleep, so yes I'll stay up until 2 in the morning so I actually want to sleep.
She yells because I should spend that time that I'm up cleaning the house (so keep them awake by cleaning and vacuuming and doing the laundry and all this shit) or that I should get up early to take care of the house. I told her I had no interest in being anyone's slave or maid, and I just don't. Yeah, my parents do a great deal, but it doesn't make it okay for them to belittle me and try and guilt me into cleaning up after them. The messes I make I clean up, I do my own laundry, wash my own dishes...I don't spend time making the messes they do, so why should I clean up after them?
I wish I could leave. If not for the kids, I would. My cars big enough to take the things I need and fuck it to the rest.