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This weekend sucked ass.
the highlight was getting to see ryan for like...20 minutes saturday. and then I was going to spend sunday at his house, but no. I woke up late, thus was in a bad mood, and my parents decided I couldn't go anywhere.
PEOPLE SUCK. LIFE SUCKS.
and I'll get over it tomorrow when I see everyone again.
I almost cried today, because they sat there for like...20 minutes yelling at me about how I wasn't a part of the family. Well, fuck you family. I dont give a rats ass. You're not my dad, I only call you dad because my mother makes me, and the last major impact you've had on me is to ruin most of my relationships with the only two guys I've ever loved.
yeah, looking back I dont care that things didn't work with Gordon, whatever, but I love Ryan. I mean, l-o-v-e him. There isn't anything I wouldn't do for him, and I'm already dreading May because of graduation and stuff, so what the fuck will it get me to have people separate me from one of the few things I love? will that improve my mood?
HELL FUCKING NO. it makes me more of a bitch, and I Dont care who calls me that right now, I'm saying it myself. I rarely cry. Last time I Cried was about a year ago, when I broke up with Gordon. And that was beacuse he made it painfully obvious that I'm not worth it...at least he thought I wasn't. And what can I expect to get out of this? The last few times I've tried to go out and do something iwth Ryan, I've been shot down by my parents. I'm seeing some huge trend of 'let's try and make her cry' because they keep pushing it in my face that I'm not going to get a car. Which, they promised me a year ago. And then Christmas. And then by my birthday, and I'm not going to get it probably until I get a job and by the damn thing myself.
I'm sorry this is such a huge rant, but these things have been pent up for quite some time. I'm not going to get to go to France probably, even though they said I could (which took the place of the car last year) and now they're like 'oh, we can't afford it' and yet the go out and buy stupid deck parts, and buy new computers, and more fucking bullshit that we dont really need and break the fucking promises that they make to me!
*sighs* Im sorry guys. I'll stop now. I Just feel so fucking broken right now. And the only refuge I've got I can't see.
well, actually, I'll add the fact I got a 1690 on my SAT. Im such a fucking dumbass *sighs, goes off to die now*
the highlight was getting to see ryan for like...20 minutes saturday. and then I was going to spend sunday at his house, but no. I woke up late, thus was in a bad mood, and my parents decided I couldn't go anywhere.
PEOPLE SUCK. LIFE SUCKS.
and I'll get over it tomorrow when I see everyone again.
I almost cried today, because they sat there for like...20 minutes yelling at me about how I wasn't a part of the family. Well, fuck you family. I dont give a rats ass. You're not my dad, I only call you dad because my mother makes me, and the last major impact you've had on me is to ruin most of my relationships with the only two guys I've ever loved.
yeah, looking back I dont care that things didn't work with Gordon, whatever, but I love Ryan. I mean, l-o-v-e him. There isn't anything I wouldn't do for him, and I'm already dreading May because of graduation and stuff, so what the fuck will it get me to have people separate me from one of the few things I love? will that improve my mood?
HELL FUCKING NO. it makes me more of a bitch, and I Dont care who calls me that right now, I'm saying it myself. I rarely cry. Last time I Cried was about a year ago, when I broke up with Gordon. And that was beacuse he made it painfully obvious that I'm not worth it...at least he thought I wasn't. And what can I expect to get out of this? The last few times I've tried to go out and do something iwth Ryan, I've been shot down by my parents. I'm seeing some huge trend of 'let's try and make her cry' because they keep pushing it in my face that I'm not going to get a car. Which, they promised me a year ago. And then Christmas. And then by my birthday, and I'm not going to get it probably until I get a job and by the damn thing myself.
I'm sorry this is such a huge rant, but these things have been pent up for quite some time. I'm not going to get to go to France probably, even though they said I could (which took the place of the car last year) and now they're like 'oh, we can't afford it' and yet the go out and buy stupid deck parts, and buy new computers, and more fucking bullshit that we dont really need and break the fucking promises that they make to me!
*sighs* Im sorry guys. I'll stop now. I Just feel so fucking broken right now. And the only refuge I've got I can't see.
well, actually, I'll add the fact I got a 1690 on my SAT. Im such a fucking dumbass *sighs, goes off to die now*