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God I love him!
Sep. 4th, 2005 01:22 amSo today was OK.
Last night was awesome. I was sick though....so I felt like crap.
But just....oh, it was perfect. He called me a couple hours late because a few things went wrong on his way home. And I was getting nervous, because I didnt know what was going on...well, he calls me, asks where I am. And I tell him I'm up in the stands, and I stood up, starting to look for him...just seeing his damned feet made my eyes light up and a huge grin just consumed my face....he got inside, and asked where we were, I told him al lthe way to the left....and he started to walk over, and was right under us.
I told him to look up, and when our eyes met I was just...well, overwhelmed. It's amazing.
I was always so afraid of love, afraid of needing anyone. I wanted to be strong, and be able to stand alone, never needing anyone. But I Need him. I realized, when it made me forget all the aches and pains, just to be near him, just to see him again, to hear his voice and be able to feel him....oh, I know now that I need him. And Im fine with that. I just...I couldn't think of myself in any other way now. He's a part of me, just as much as this red hair is, or my blue eyes. I need them to be myself, and I need him to feel complete.
today, we went and got his hair cut. his very, very ,very sexy shaggy hair. Gods, that was like. argh if I didn't feel like crap I'd pounce you right now kinda sexy hair. xD But it was bugging him, and so we went and got it cut today. It looks good ^____^ Callie also got her hair cut, and by that point my voice was drifting in and out...
now it's hardly audible at all.
I dont know what's going to happen tomorrow really. we were going to go see 40 Year old Virgin, but he and Jeff went and saw that tonight....so anyone else want to go see it? I would have gone tonight if not for kelly......
so yeah. I wish my stupid voice wasn't going. I've tried everything. hot bath (complete with bubbles) peppermints, everything I could think of. I wish I could make it come back! I miss it ; .;
and of course, I had to get sick when Ryan came home x.x; there is so much I just want to say to him, and I cant because my voice isn't strong enough to get out the right emotions.
and of couse, there are things I want to do to him too, but I cant because I dont want to get him sick...and yet he decides to do all he can to me that might make him sick. arrrgh. I really dont want to send him back to college sick!
I just want to kiss him so bad though.....argh. I hate my body right now.
So I think I've kinda sold myself off to being a TSU applicant. I -really- want to go there....and I'm eager to get this year done with. I dont want to be here anymore...to be in highschool, to be in this house, with this family. I'm really to be off, to start my own. But n kids for at least like...10 years lol. and even then, not a bunch. only like, one or maybe two. I'm afraid of childbirth. *twitches*
Last night was awesome. I was sick though....so I felt like crap.
But just....oh, it was perfect. He called me a couple hours late because a few things went wrong on his way home. And I was getting nervous, because I didnt know what was going on...well, he calls me, asks where I am. And I tell him I'm up in the stands, and I stood up, starting to look for him...just seeing his damned feet made my eyes light up and a huge grin just consumed my face....he got inside, and asked where we were, I told him al lthe way to the left....and he started to walk over, and was right under us.
I told him to look up, and when our eyes met I was just...well, overwhelmed. It's amazing.
I was always so afraid of love, afraid of needing anyone. I wanted to be strong, and be able to stand alone, never needing anyone. But I Need him. I realized, when it made me forget all the aches and pains, just to be near him, just to see him again, to hear his voice and be able to feel him....oh, I know now that I need him. And Im fine with that. I just...I couldn't think of myself in any other way now. He's a part of me, just as much as this red hair is, or my blue eyes. I need them to be myself, and I need him to feel complete.
today, we went and got his hair cut. his very, very ,very sexy shaggy hair. Gods, that was like. argh if I didn't feel like crap I'd pounce you right now kinda sexy hair. xD But it was bugging him, and so we went and got it cut today. It looks good ^____^ Callie also got her hair cut, and by that point my voice was drifting in and out...
now it's hardly audible at all.
I dont know what's going to happen tomorrow really. we were going to go see 40 Year old Virgin, but he and Jeff went and saw that tonight....so anyone else want to go see it? I would have gone tonight if not for kelly......
so yeah. I wish my stupid voice wasn't going. I've tried everything. hot bath (complete with bubbles) peppermints, everything I could think of. I wish I could make it come back! I miss it ; .;
and of course, I had to get sick when Ryan came home x.x; there is so much I just want to say to him, and I cant because my voice isn't strong enough to get out the right emotions.
and of couse, there are things I want to do to him too, but I cant because I dont want to get him sick...and yet he decides to do all he can to me that might make him sick. arrrgh. I really dont want to send him back to college sick!
I just want to kiss him so bad though.....argh. I hate my body right now.
So I think I've kinda sold myself off to being a TSU applicant. I -really- want to go there....and I'm eager to get this year done with. I dont want to be here anymore...to be in highschool, to be in this house, with this family. I'm really to be off, to start my own. But n kids for at least like...10 years lol. and even then, not a bunch. only like, one or maybe two. I'm afraid of childbirth. *twitches*